My world!!

I have heard people talking that my friend/XYZ does not spend much time with me. But guess what I get to hear that I spend too much time. Lol. Why I am at such extreme I don’t know. Why it has to be this or that for me I don’t know. I have lost all confidence in me. I don’t feel that I am good with people anymore. Due to few bad incidents I am making my decision. Guess what I asked if I am wrong but I was told I am not so I stuck to it. Now same people tell me that dude u are actually wrong. I can take the fact but after believing that I am not and then I am. It becomes so fucked up. People want to take some time out from me. I suppose I am creating such a situation that it is suffocating for the person. So what I am suppose to do. Should I run away from the situation? Or should I fight. Fight how? If I am there It shows on my face and I can’t do shit about it. And if I run then I was the one who let it go.

It is such a situation that I want to be part of someone but someone wants to be part of everyone. So here I understand that I am the one creating havoc because of my requirement, my demands and my needs. If the needs of two people match with each other then it’s a bliss. But if both the person wants different things then it is problem. I don’t want to be the one asking questions again and again. Or the one creating a bigger difference. Life is short and we should not waste it in deciding what to do. Rather let’s do it. I hope the person realizes that I never wanted bad for her and will always always be there for her whenever she wants anyone around. But if she doesn’t I don’t want to be the one forcing myself to her.

Few principles I had in my life:

1. Never force yourself on someone: I guess I have started doing it. 

2. Keep the most important person happy: I am the reason of her cry most of the times

3. Never let your emotions overflow: I cant fucking control my emotions anymore. I am crying like a baby.

4. Take life as it comes: these days I just fight for what I don’t have instead of cherishing the good moments.

Etc etc..

I hope I take the right call. And most importantly she understands it.

Mishti

I don’t know how to describe you. Matter of a fact I am writing this for myself. And as my habit is.. you might be reading it as well. But its not about that.

I will really miss you. I don’t know when u and your family decides to take a decision. And you will go. But I swear I will miss you like crazy. U know what half my brain is saying it to me that I should be happy for you. Brazil is a wonderful place. And I am sure the guy would be a perfect one for you as well.. Rather I would hope that he is the perfect one. Coz u deserve one. I know it all sound s so filmy. But I wish something different but the situation is such that not even once I have come and told what I want for my future. I am not established I don’t have same religion as you and hell I am not even as tall as you.

But barring all these I still want something to happen. But guess wat mishit I don’t even make the cut.

 People said to me that i should talk about it. and u might not even think the same for me. but you are the first person i have kissed or shared an intimate relation. its a big deal for me. I dont know mishti what will happen.once you are back from home u might not even consider me on that level. i need to be prepared. this is not the way i want to be prepared. Everything looks so sad without you maybe i have to get used to it. Maybe. But one thing is for sure mishti until u tell me i am going to have that hope.. that one ray pf light that you are in front of me always. 

 

More i think about it more it gets me sad. I dont want to be sad until i know its for sure. I just dont.

Expectations!

It is difficult to understand the logic of this world when you see everything around you falling apart. There are always two sides of a story. Sometimes what you see from your own eyes is not actually the exact situation or is it? Sometimes trusting others more than yourself can help you understand the situation but sometime it might just prove that you are the biggest chutiya around and you had everything in front of your eyes and you still chose to overlook them.

The question which boggles my mind is if we do trust our instincts which have become a scale to understand the situation after going through the whole experience of growing in this so called cruel world. Maybe it will not hold true in some scenarios but generally my advice follow your instincts man. As nike says ‘Just do it’.

I really wish things can go as smooth as you expect, but it doesn’t. But the shocking part is expectations keep increasing and you might put someone in trouble by just expecting those things to be fulfilled. We also have a chance to jeopardize the relationship you have with the person in context here. But is it not right to have expectations? Doesn’t it mean that the person holds so much importance in your life that you are actually expecting something out of it.

Putting yourself on the other side of it where expectations are from you. This might help you to understand if it is right for you to do so. I hope no one gets hurt in this process. But if one does also I hope your relationship is so strong that you overcome it. I have been trying to do so!!!

Getting a clue!

It is very easy for someone to go and say I like you. I would try to refrain myself from using the L word. I am not sure what does it mean. But I know what does missing someone means or try to spend maximum time with someone means or the whole of the day going bad in case you don’t speak to the person or u had a fight means or taking care of smallest of things which affects her which even amazes u that your mind can think on that level means. I don’t know if these things can be substantial to say that u want to be with that person forever. To tell you honestly after feeling all the above things I do want to spend my maximum time with the person.

I have come to conclusion that one involves themselves in so much of emotions that we forget if we are making it suffocating for the person. What does happiness to her actually stands for. Even if she is not with you it might bring happiness to her. The state of mind is a very important thing. Sometime you are in such a state that for you being with her is the only way but it might not be the case with the other person. She might not see you in the same way you see her. And in those case I feel one should try not to force himself on to her. I do that. And now thinking about it makes me feel really bad.

I wish all happiness to her but does that mean I have to be part of all those moments where she feels happy. I don’t think so. I am a big follower of phrase of “khush raho”. And if it is for that person who takes most of the space in your mind then it should actually mean so. So maybe letting her decide what it is best for her and where she wants to go and spend time with whomsoever is the best way. And if the person does miss you she will be trying to do so. No point in imagining if she is doing that or not. Sometime letting the other person take some time out and realizing that would be beneficial for you. Let us imagine both the scenarios, one if she misses u and reaches out to you then it would mean you hold some place in her life. If she doesn’t do that then that would mean you are just forcing yourself to think that and the actual scenario is different.

To conclude if you are just thinking of a person and the other person does not think of you on the same way then its time u have a check on yourself and try to refrain your emotions from over pouring itself. I knw its easier said than done but I am sure as I will you will also be able to do so. Cheers!

Cricket Fans!

It is really funny to see how a cricketer can be idolized and then suddenly be accused for the team performance which includes 11 players. Cricket is said to be a team sport and a match cannot be won by just one individual performance. One needs to be good in three sectors batting bowling and fielding to be called a champion team.  Yes a match can be won if a team does exceedingly well in one category also. But that again requires performance from more than one player.

Recent tours of England and Australia have been terribly sad. It is one of the tours which never happened in my mind. That is how I go about it.

Coming back to point, is it okay to condemn the whole team for two bad tours. This is the same team which gave us immense joy after bringing the prestigious world cup home. This is the same team which got the No. 1 team in test cricket. This is the team with the likes of Sachin, Dravid, Laxman, Dhoni and so on. Everyone knows cricket is considered to be religion in India. All other priorities come to a halt when there is a match going on. But is it still okay for so-called fans to be so impatient that we ask for Dhoni to be sacked from the captaincy. If we give a little stress to our mind, we are talking about a guy who has got us all the laurels possible for a team to achieve in cricket.

Look at the articles written after these tours and the news channels. It is really sad to see such situation. I say this is the time we stand behind the team and cheer them up and make them realize where they belong. This is the time where team thinks about it and improves their performance and not play under pressure as there are chances that their house might be burnt down if they do not perform better now.

These Men represent India in this sport. And they have the right to expect some support when in crisis. If the problem prevails we will take tough actions and work on it. But we should not just give up and ask for the entire team to be replaced. And if that happens also, how can someone expect it to work. Seems dumb to me! Cheers.

The beginning or an end

Few days back a very good friend of mine said imagine if there was no tomorrow. It then hit me. Are we satisfied with what we have done? There are always loose ends. But can we afford it to stay that way. If not what is stopping us to mend it.

There is saying “Persistence is the key”, this made me thinking if I have put in enough effort in the things I have failed. If everyone’s wishes came true this way, it would have been a brilliant situation. But things don’t work in that way, there is something bigger than our mind can possibly imagine. There is much wider scope of situations, where human mind fails to reach.

It is very easy to blame the fate for the falters faced in life. But then there are situation where one does not have any control and a person can just sit and observe the situation going worse and worse. I guess that is part of life. One cannot imagine the importance of something once it is taken away from them.

I always come across phrases which look inspiring but how does it work. How can one live life king size when the problem gets bigger and bigger? Or, how can you try finding positives in a situation which is full of shit? The mind plays very vital role in this. I can accept the fact that, a problem becomes big only if you treat it that way. But doesn’t every individual have a different capacity to handle a situation. For some, an issue can be very petty and for someone else it might be end of the world. I can conclude by saying the best anyone can do is to understand it and not compare to what he/she has faced.

So even if situation doesn’t let you and keep pushing you back. Maybe atleast a belief on “Living life king size” or “living life to the fullest” might let you get away from things for some time. The words of wisdom to get out of a misery might differ for every individual. Finding what gets you pumped up again or you being hopeful for a better day is the key. Doesn’t it??

A Tour to Chennai.

I have been privileged enough to see lot of place in India and outside India. After finishing my college i got a job and was told to join in Bangalore. After reaching in Bangalore I felt like being part of the city already. I explored each and every happening place around. No matter what was the pressure during training but I already had imagined how I would be spending my time. I had chosen my favorite places. Became privilege card holder in different places.

 I had found amazing set of friends in blore as well. I was very happy the way karnaticans accepted people from other part of the country. I had a sexed out house. My roomies were my college frnds. I was having gala of a time. Three months was over and i didnt even realize. My training period was over. It suddenly hit me thatmy location will be decided again. I thought i would settle for blore or Delhi. Delhi is Delhi. No comparison there. But i was quiet happy in Bangalore. I wanted to explore this city completely.

 And the day finally arrived, my Regional manager informed me that i am being posted to “Chennai”. After discussing it with my relatives and frnds. i got two kind of expression.

First one was pretty straight.. “teri toh lagi!”

Second was sympathising one.. “ohh.. how bad! wat will u do now”.

I had heard ppl talking bout chennai before. and i had an image bout chennai. and ppl close to me explained that it is after all a metro city. how bad can it be. so i set myself for new journey. to experience something new in life. Whenever someone shifts from one place to another there is a mixture of feeling of sorrow and anxiety. I was going through the same. To be honest i was not looking forward for anything but i thought of taking life as it comes.

Company gave me a guesthouse and fortunately the cook was north indian. Looking at the conveyance and judging people for first few days i knew its gonna be difficult in chennai. After getting allocated to a project and meeting up with few seniors of the company i realised that managers in chennai has just one job.. holding the employees and threatning them to continue working in chennai with full dedication. After arranging housing and roompartners i had just one feeling…

There comes a time in a man’s life when all his plans get screwed. Paradise turns to a shit pot.

The place where we were staying in chennai can be comfortably described as shit hole. First reason for staying in such a place was it was near to ofice. and travelling in chennai heat is just unexplainable. ohh there was no second and i didnt get much say in deciding the place. so there we go! I thought weekends will be fun atleast. So we thought of catching a movie. ohh it was adventurous. Before any of u gets confused. i am not talking bout movie. I am talking bout reaching a decent Cineplex. I took a shared auto and then a local train and then another local train. wait it’s not over. walked for another 15 minutes. After two hours i reached decent cineplex which runs non tamil movies. How do in earth people manage in chennai. For ppl who think.. what a fool why didnt he take an auto straight to the Cineplex i would like to inform you that once u ask a autowala in hindi or non tamilian language they charge you 3-4 times more. Meter is just for display. Meters should be put in museums.

I was never a big fan of malls. i have seen enough in Delhi. But the crowd of malls in chennai was also highly disappointing. I had one question in repeat in my mind how does non tamilians manage in chennai. Then some ppl told me that visit beaches in chennai.

We went to famous Marina Beach. Ohh my god. there were so many people at a single place. People were pushing each other. And the air around me just had two smells. one of fried fish and second of gajras. Wats with wearing gajra everyday!! With passing time people get used to stuff but i grew more irriatted with smell of gajra. sometimes its difficult to stay in lift with all gajras around. Another question popped up in my head how do these gajras manage to keep spreading the pathetic smell in this heat. doesnt heat dries up the flowers. Its such kind of heat in chennai that ppl dont need to go for waxing, just stand in the sun for 2 minutes and automatically the hair will burn.

When i am out in the afternoon i just have one agenda find shadow place to walk on the streets. Coming back to gajras i finally got the answer to my question. they keep extra gajras in their bags. one dries up then they put another one. I am not exaggerating it.. i have been lucky enough to catch it with my eyes. Ohh and about food. I have learned the art of staying hungry. I am a big foodie. Thats explains my obvious love for delhi. i like trying different cuisine and dishes. My mom used to go mad at me for asking to make biryani every other day. But now she will be really happy to know that i can stay hungry for 48 hours straight. This is my latest record. I am guessing i will beat it soon.

I have seen some ads in television which says the best thing is when ur only competition is u. these things inspire me now. The only cuisine available in chennai is sambhar rassam and idli. I was such a big fan of maggi. But now m bored of it as well. Thats been my dinner for months now. There were few restaurants around my place which looked decent. So one fine day me and my roomi decided to try it out. I was surprise to see the menu card. It had a lot of north indian and chinese dishes. With great excitement i ordered keema paratha. No matter how bad a cook is its pretty easy to cook keeema paratha. One just have to put keema inside the paratha and fry it or something like that. I was bout to eat some good food again so thinkig bout it made me more hungry. Finally the waiter arrived he put a bowl in front of me. I looked inside the bowl with great amuse. It was nothing like paratha. it was crushed. I looked at waiter and said to him that i ordered keema paratha. and with great confidence i told him u have put the wrong order on wrong table. But the waiter said the weird-looking thing in the bowl is keema paratha only. First time in my life i ate paratha in a bowl with spoon.

If others are not as stubborn as me then for them Hunger takes priority over taste. Tamil is the only language in chennai. Even the team meetings are done in tamil.the work assigned to few of us are told in english and thats all. People here look down to you if u speak hindi. Even though speaking Hindi is an offense in Chennai, some of the Hindi Television serials like Kaun Banega Crorepati 2 etc is beamed in Tamil. Some TV Channels were also beaming some English movies with Tamil voice overs. What an Irony!

 I have got a new name in my frnd circle “Anna”.. i hate it.. i get irritated with it. But then talking to those wonderfull ppl is the only thing which puts me out of this dismay.

But still one shouldnt give up hope. there are lots of other things apart from eating good food, having some fun, interacting with people, good weather, liking wat u are doing. But then again my stupid mind asks me a question.. What are those fucking things???????